I am desperate..

I feel damn like no use now.
I realised that PBL is turning me insane and mad. :( ; I am tired of it.
I have enough of this.

I realised I really adapt to the learning system there in our skool . I did tried..I tried lot of time. But, u noe ma? It's just useless. No matter how hard I tried, it's not gonna help me at all. I hate all those staring faces at me. And just just now, I realised that I scored quite badly for one of my module. I am very very afraid that I will have to re-do the module all over again if I fail agan. anybody, pls tell me wat to do now. I am so s stress-up over everything. How how? what's is going to happen to me in the future? when's my future? I can't seem to see any dim of hope at all.

I just can't control my emotions. ; I admit that I am weak.
I noe i promise euu all that I am not gonna be emo anymore. I am not. I am just very worrying and stress-up.. I am desperate for help. SOS ^ send !!!!~

why am I always so so useless?
I just can't seem to get thing right? when can I do thing right?????

Lively.

i
Oh. ya. have not been updating the blog for two days. I have the habit of trying to subtain myself from coming online during the weekend. This is cus I want to have more time doing my other stuffs. Having to face the com for five days everyday for hours is becoming quite a borning and tired chore for me. Therefore, I will try not to on the internet during my only free weekends.

I told euu all that I have been feeling more more better nowadays. YES ^ I feel that it's painful to torture myself , making myself feeling sad and unhappy everyday. I read a quorte from the newspaper. It talk about the topic on happiness. However, I can't really remember what it's abt..? I think I will update about this nxt time. Anyway, the quorte are very very meaningful,, I must really share nxt time.

What's up wif my weekend?? ; It's quite okay. Dunnoe why I feel like I have really grow up, , It's like I tend to cherish my bonds wif my family more and willing / feel the need to communicate wif them more. In fact, I am quite in a good term wif my family all this while. Just that, I have been growing closely wif my dad. We communicate more.. thus, relationship naturally get better !!!~~

Ever realised I become more lively ?? I told euu all before that I want to try to be more blissful. See? I am getting my actions proved to euu all. I promised myself, my mummy, my friends that I will try not to be emo anymore. I change to a very happy face skin. Isn't it nice? sometime, I.myself don't even noe what the thing I am doing? I also donnoe the reason why I am writing this journal here for who to see? Actually , I just feel the need to express my feeling somewhere. So , it's doesn't really matter where and why I write my journal?..as long as I feel it's important, comfortable with. I do write my journal somewhere else in my private journal too. ^~ This is just a form of expressing my feelings only.

I am not going to keep forcing myself or try to find a ans anymore. Actually, It's not so important anymore, right? I am so so silly to keep making myself feel so painful and hurt. All I have to do now, is just to take nature into it's course and to look at thing in a different perceptive. I WON"T need a ANSWER anymore ^^

I will post up some photo in my album- PHOTOGRAPHY today ~^ do check it up when euu all r free??

Angry

I am feeling so angry todae :(

I m so so mad and pissed off. Don't thought that I will not feel angry sometime. As, I look so obedient or quiet at times. Euu will be wrong if euu think in this way. I AM a HUMAN_BEING. Of course, for god's sake; I will have mood swings at times. If you provoked me in any way that I don't like of, euu will see my true colours when I get angry. {A SUPER dark face} I will stare at euu , with my scary face.

AND of course, I won't get angry over small matter . In fact, I seldom get angry . It's like it is hard for euu to see me being angry for more than 10 times annually. It's quite difficult for one to make me angry unless.... euu do thing that I hate to see it happening.

HOWEVER, I was quite angry todae. :( sad ; hurt .
I am a human-being. pls. I need respect too. If euu don't respect me, wat's the point of me to respect euu back?
I noe I went a bit overboard todae. I also don't wish to see that happening too. I hate to be angry, throwing temper too. However, _____make mi realli angry. Actually, I have been keeping it myself for a long tym. I just can't tolerate anymore. That's why I get ......todae.

我终于看清了一切。我不会在留恋。 我已经想通了一切。我终于知道了我一直想寻找的答案了。 谢谢你！我明白了。我会祝你幸福的。
原来，一切都只是一种幻想， 一个玩笑而已。

我承认我是个弱者 不敢再对爱假设 我真的累得不想再拉扯 我寻找的平静 是我将来看电影 带着一颗平常心 不必为谁心碎闭上眼睛 我需要的平静 是敢回头看曾经 那些为爱患得患失的情景 我选择忘记 我不懂得取舍 才让心痛堆着 。。。。。。

又被爱伤了一遍 无所谓当作成长 刚刚走开的人 烟还点着味道却淡了 我并不是天生爱寂寞 却比任何人都多 就算把世界给我 我还是一无所有 我要快乐我要能睡的安稳 有些人不抱了才温暖 离开了才不恨我早应该割舍 我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声 心不是热的全都是假的 只有眼泪是真的 把从前想了一遍 谢谢了伤我的人 想做乐观的人 每种雨声听了都不冷 我并不是天生爱寂寞 却比任何人都多 就算把世界给我 我还是一无所有 我要快乐我要能睡的安稳 有些人不抱了才温暖 离开了才不恨我早应该割舍 我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声 心不是热的全都是假的 我的决定是对的
我会再次把这一次当着是成长的一部份。。

I realised I get to see a more MORE clearer picture ...
This is part of growing up. OH. YES. I am growing up.

Although, it's gonna be hard. Just as what a lot of ppl say ; "You need to pay a price for growing up" ..If I can choose between growing and not growing up. I would rather pick the choice- of not growing up.

Just now, before going home. I went to e bubble tea shop planning to buy my fav drink- Milk Tea. I just simply love bubble tea so much!!! There’s a man there, buying too. I realised that he was smiling throughout the time while he was waiting for his drink. Then, there is this lady boss and her mother {which I guess so} asked this man. "I realised that you were smiling all the time while waiting for yr drink" then tis grandma add in and say " To be able to feel happy is a good thing..'' I looked at them and smile too. They r right!!! But actually how many ppl is able to do that? I guess hardly everyone living in this world is able to do so. Do euu agree wif me?

After that, the man left. I looked him. I realised one thing. He was walking happily away, with his drink in his hand. From his back view, I can see that he's realli living a happy life.


At that moment, I feel that I am so silly. Why should I make myself so emo everyday> Life's so short. Nobody knows what will happen tmr? I should try to live a happy life.


::Replies to tag ::

JZ: hahas. sure,i miss euu too. Must realli catch up one day!! I finally change skin le.
PJ : Finaly, euu r tagging me le. welcome to my blog. I noe euu always say my blog so emo de. I will try to post happy stuffs nxt tym.

.................

I feel like... escaping from this place.

Dead-beat

lols.

FEELING. dead-beat. ; I am so sO tired.

Not emo-ing anymore. ; I ' am fine , now.

Rmb I told euu all before my mood is just lyk a roller-coaster. YES. ; It's is.
I feel better now. Maybe cus I tried to let myself go a bit. I told myself that I must at least tried to be happy although It is gonna be hard.

>.<>NOw, I do not even care a bit of how the rest of the ppl see me as.. , I just hope that euu guys will onli lyk and seen me as someeone who I am. :) Oh! Yea. I rmb tat ; take nature for it's course. "If something is meant to be your" = EuU will never be able to escape from it. likewise, "If a thing is not meant to be your" = EUU will definitely not be able to get it no matter how hard euu tried. { It's useless//} --I saw tis phrase in one of my frend's msn nick. ; I believe in tis saying. HOW ABOUT euu all ??

Oh~ Gosh..,,.. I am standing straight in e middle of two point Been sick "ME" Feeling normal...I should know to take good care of my health. If not, I am gonna fall sick sooner or later. I just simply hate tish. Morever, there's currently a coughing bug virus spreading among all my classmates. It's like , sort of taking turns to fall sick. Somemore, it's like the class is alway not able to get the full NO. of ppl coming de. There's will be one grp, which is empty. So , eUU can see tat {THIS IS THE SICKNESS SEASON} so sick of tish virus thingy...when can we all recover??

My feeling : Don't ask me, when I don't even noe what the thing I am doing? I guess there's are just too much pride in me. I am so So silly. I noe that. JUST TO SAY { Idon't really mean that in my heart. I am just trying to act strong in front of euu} I am so so silly. I believe in god's decision. Fate is so called God's will, right? Time will tell a person's true colours. Time will let me understand euu better. I really want to noe euu better.
:-) hahas.

Oh~``Gosh!^ ;I am been aim by e teacher. 我被老师盯上了。 so scary yea :)
she even say that {whoever in my team will sit in the table near to her} oh.my.god. SO scary, right? I say"huh? so scary ya?" ; then she look at me and give me a huge smile.euu noe mah? it' lyk a devil disguise herself as a angel. Hahas. Don't take my words seriously. I am just kidding. >.<

Tired.

我真的累了。
累的我连呼吸也觉的很辛苦。
我快要窒息了。。

我需要一双强而有力的手，拉我一把。
我需要一些力量。 我需要你的支持。。

I am dead-beat.
I need some strength to carry on.

Wat's the point of telling yourself tat euu can do it in your heart? when euu can't even do it in yr life? I am so silly. I tried. I realli tried. but what did I get in return? I am not expecting to get anything in return, for treating euu nice.I just hope that you will understand that I am really thinking in tis way. That's all I expect.. but can I do it? I wonder,,.and wonder..no answer came into my mind.

I am really tired of faking myself.
I don't wish to do so. It's just that I wouldn't control myself, my emotions.

SHOUT OUT : I want to be myself.

I am tired. That's why I shut myself up from talking.

Dear God, please give me e strength to carry on.


<3>

What isthe reason for living?

<12:59>
PLS.ti s taken from my blog at msn space. decide to post tis here. :)
yups. I m back again. I decide to move my blog to here. there's a reason behind it. I like writing my entries here. anyways, it's more convenient here . My albums are here.
my mood is like a roller-coaster ride. full of ups and down.Just now, my mum ask me one qns. "what actually do we want and live for? "do euu noe wat I ans her back.?? .. I say " to persue our happiness, to achieve our dreams and to bright up other ppl's life "Is tat realli the case? Is tis the reason why we r living in this world?
I realli donnoe too. >.<
I remember reading a book from the book store.the book state that "do you noe tat the moment euu came to this world, there will be another person who take your place and leave the world."
"have euu ever wonder why do you came to this world for?"there is a saying that say ; we came to this world, with the aim of making someone's life meaningful.
do euu believe in this saying?

Although, it's do seem a little bit... hard to believe in. However, I still choose to believe in it, simply cos that it will make me feel more blissful,knowing that I can play a impt role in other ppl's life. why not believe in thing that will make euu feel happy about it? Just as wat we always say, we must be Optimistic in life.

I am trying hard, to love my life.I hope that I will really live a blissful and happy life, everyday.

There are lot of role we all are playing in life.
I must be a good daughter to my parents. I must be a good sister, to my sisters. I must be a good student in school, to all my teacher.I must be a good friend to all my friend. I must be a good grand-daughter to my grandparents. I must be a good wife and mother to my family in the future.I must be a caring girlfriend to my loved one.

hahas.=) there are so many roles that I need to play, in my life.
there are also a lot of thing I must be able to do, in my daily life.
[I mustlearn to communicate well with my class-mate in school.]
[I mustbe able to control my emotions well]
[I must study hard.][I must try to got to school everyday]
[I must ensure that I always stay in contact with my old friendz]
[I must be a good family member at home]........blarx blar.........

I can only think of these few points for the time being.
AND..of course..I must treasure food. I should not waste any food.I must respect human-being.

Life is a tough lesson for us.
\\my entry is too long. I am so long-winded. hahas.//
I will try to update my entry if possible, everyday.
I will also upload all my photos in the album occasionally.
hahas.

<3

我最近的心情，时好时环。
连我自己，都搞不清楚。你说怪不怪？做人本来就，很感伤。 ：（

I just feel emo..I also donnoe why??

I got lots of fotos..to be posted onto here.
I will post next tym when I m free..

........ ....... ..... ..... ....

maybe, I just get it wrong.
It's my mistake.



I miss euu so much.. <3
<3
<3

Sick...

The longest distance in the world is not between life and death , ..but is that I am standing in front of you. ; but u donnoe I love euu.

:(

oh,gosh!! this is sad ya :-(

U love a person, but u can't spell it out..? The feelings is realli very hurt. He 's standing in front of u..yet, u r not able to tell him how much u love and wat u love abt him.

Do u noe? I hate to have tish type of feelings. It jus made me feel so emo--...^^ I hope tis will nv happen to me anymore.. do u noe how much courage tat we must have , in order to confess to tat special one..??

I am currently free from all tish of feelings.

I m glad to be wat I am. u can choose not to like me, but rmb tat u can't change the way I am. I am myself, the only one in tish world. hahas :)

Skool is damn stress for me. I feel so stress-up and sick of doing presentations everydae...PBL is so borning..espcially for science lesson. I used to hate science in the past. I even thought tat I won't have to study science anymore in poly. I guess I m just wrong in thinking so. Urgh!! it's terrible..^^ so tough..i don even noe wat it is talking abt?? my brain is lyk brusting soon..lols.

I donnoe y..? I used to be very healthy in the past.but now??...i always get headache often...i guess i m falling sick soon.SOON. I hate to be sick.. :(

I will try to blog often. hahas :)

Why do I always feel so isolated from the rest? I m getting sick of tis.

I gtg now...off to bed...wat i need most now is just sleep and rest. :)

good nite!!^^